NONHEATHERS : LIVE From JBC

REEL TO REAL: ONE ON ONE WITH NONHEATHER

From the author of Cherub Vice, Taaffeite Moths, Navel-Gaze with Some Shoegaze, JinKook Book Club proudly presents a once in a lifetime chance to interview nonheather , the author behind these stories that took Archive of our Own and Twitter by storm.

Nonheather is behind the highly acclaimed JinKook fictions “Cherub Vice” and “Taaffeite Moths” among her other works of similar praise like “Blue Flame Special”, “Navel-Gaze with Some Shoegaze”, “Brick, Meet Window”, “To the Night, Will You Follow Me?”. Just this year, noheather took a break from Twitter but returned this month to give us “Onsra, Elysium” and “Honeycomb Tongues”.

JBC took this opportunity to learn more about nonheather and luckily, nonheather graced us with the interview. The interview kicks off with the introductions and simple getting to know each other in order for nonheather to be acclimated with the team before delving to her works. Prior to this interview with nonheather, the team gathered questions from her readers on Twitter as to questions they would wish to ask nonheather herself. Here is the full transcript of the interview.

JBC: How do you like being addressed? Do you have a particular pronoun you prefer?

Nonheather (NH): My full name is Xiomara but I'm cool with people just calling me Xo (pronounced "Zo"). I’m most comfortable with the pronouns she and her.

JBC: How old are you?

NH: 97 liner, 23 :)

JBC: About writing fan fiction, do you have any particular favorite trope and most memorable line?

NH: Favorite trope… hmm… There are so many good ones. I know that they vary for me. Like if I'm reading something, I look for a particular trope but if I'm writing something, I tend to stick to other tropes. For instance, I LOVE established relationships. The song and dance of getting together is cute and always fun but I'm a sucker for jumping into a story where the OTP is already together and has been together for a while. But when I'm writing I'm very inclined toward the "possibly unrequited love" and "friends to lovers." Enemies to lovers is really fun but I suck at writing enemies, especially between couples I like. I get impatient and just want them to be together already lol.

JBC: According to our reliable source, you already published your own book. Is that true?

NH: Yes, it is. It was self-published a couple of years back and it was my first one. I think I was overly confident (and incredibly impatient) at the time so I just sort of dove into the process of self-publication because I didn't want to risk my confidence being stunted by some publishing house. I also didn't want to wait for years before I could publish it. That's actually what I like the most about fan fiction is just that… I can get an idea, reflect on it for a few weeks or months, and then, in no time at all, I can have the first chapter up online. The quick and entirely independent prices of writing fanfic is definitely something I'll miss. I kind of digressed there a bit, I'm sorry.

At this point, the team cannot help but fangirl over nonheather. She’s overall kind and wise and easy to talk to like conversing with an old friend. 

JBC: Regarding your work, how do you choose the topic? Like they are so diverse and all.

NH: I love movies. I don't think that's a secret. Funny story (well, I don't know if it's actually funny but I like it): I once published a story anonymously in 2017, and not one hour later, I got a curious cat message that asked, "Hey, why'd you publish that fic anonymously?" I think I made so many movie references and music references (all of them unnecessary) and so anyone can tell it's my work from a mile away. Movies constantly inspire me so the concepts of my stories tend to vary depending on what I think would be an interesting film. And more than absolutely anything, what I long for, what drives me is getting a chance to depict some sort of emotional turmoil or conflict.

I think it's easy to write physical stuff, like sex, or to even write the idea of two people falling in love. But really emotionally challenging things, things that we don't even like to admit to ourselves or even think about… I think that makes the most interesting story – things that are character-driven. I'd say a lot of my work is that. It's about characters. It's about stories, not so much plot.

JBC: I noticed too that most of your works actually deal with or talk about difficult or sensitive subjects, what precautions, if any, do you take in making sure that it’s not overstepping any boundaries?

NH: You have to approach everything with respect and empathy. I think it's immature and irresponsible to, for example, write a story about something as complicated as sex addiction and reduce it to something cartoonish and insensitive. Most of the topics I've included in my stories are things that I have a closer relationship with, close enough to understand it's something not to be taken lightly. I've had family members and friends struggle with drug addiction and alcoholism. And I see often in the world this complete disregard for those people struggling with that but addiction is an illness. It's not… the world looks at someone with a broken arm or with cancer and they say, "This person is sick. We should help them. We should rehabilitate them." But they look at someone struggling with drug addiction and their response, most often, is to put them in jail. I think we punish that and it's not fair. Sensitivity is just super important in general and it's no different if you choose to write about those topics.

A lot of research should go into it. One should take into account what people who have experienced whatever it is you might want to comment on in your story, take what they have to say about it into account. Don't make caricatures out of real people or tropes out of real issues. Just be responsible, really.

JBC: The depiction of the characters’ on your stories are truly humanized. Their sufferings and struggles are what many actually go through. It’s liberating to read it and see the ugly side of it instead of the usual of sugarcoating. The topics you mostly write are something others usually shy away from because it’s difficult. When you write these stories, do you intentionally incorporate your stand on things?

NH: I feel like I try to make these characters (well "characters” is ... because it's rpf but that's a whole other thing to get into so...) different or their own but notice I do put a lot of myself into them whether intentionally or not. Sometimes I have to step away to think and reflect like, "No they had THIS childhood, they had THIS experience, THEY wouldn't say that, Xo, but you would," and then I remind myself to step back a little. But the stories themselves are full of things I definitely believe. “Finger Cuffs” was… Well, my relationship with that story is strange because I wrote it at a time when I was grieving pretty… intensely. A friend had died not long before I published the story and I remember diving into writing just to not feel anything but I was broken. But I do remember I wrote it thinking, "Man I'm so sick and tired of sex being a dirty word. I want to fuck and I'm not broken just because I want to have sex." Vmin is at the center of the story, but the main character is really about sexual freedom and not apologizing for it. Then of course “Cherub Vice's” themes are very obvious.

JBC: How about when choosing a title? Does the subject or topic help in any way in your decision-making process with regard to the title?

NH: The story itself is a big factor in how I choose titles. The title rarely ever comes first. "Honeycomb Tongues," for example, I referred to that as "glitter villains" for so long because I didn't have a title. But as the story comes together, the appropriate title comes. With my original work, I used to worry about titles all the time but now I'm just like… Write the story first, let it become SOMETHING before you try to box it in, you know?

JBC: While writing fanfiction, the characters (BTS), do you prefer sticking with their real-life personalities or more on playing with their character's personalities?

NH: I think a lot of them come through too and it's helpful. Out of all of them, I've always felt like I could understand Yoongi the most (for that reason, he's actually really easy to write). I think that (not saying it's definitive) because we're both Pisces and he's introverted so I look at him and think, "Yeah I GET it," but they definitely come through. I couldn't write Yoongi wanting to go to an outrageous party and being super loud and attention-seeking whilst at said party. It wouldn't make sense, at least not to me.

But I like playing with personalities too. If I stuck to one thing, it could get pretty boring. Moths JK is very different from CV JK. Both of them have similar qualities to the real JK. But all three are very different.

JBC: Do you mind us asking how writing fanfiction feels different from writing an actual real person fiction? You don't have to answer if it bothers you. We're just curious on how it might feel different for you considering that as you mentioned there are some established qualities that ff characters share with the real personalities and I suppose in real person fiction, you have to describe them a bit more?

NH: Fiction with original characters is harder because you're creating people out of thin air and that can feel daunting. I used to shy away from writing original stories mainly because of this. I felt self-conscious about my original characters, they all felt the same or they felt like caricatures and it was… a lot. Writing fan fiction is easier because there's already personalities there to work with. What's most appealing about rpf to people, I imagine, is the idea of putting these personalities we're already familiar with in these unfamiliar situations (all of BTS, for instance, in the same universe as "The Cabin in the Woods" or "Saw" -- don't know why I'm doing exclusively horror), but it's fun. With original characters, there's more work in creating those personalities.

The fun part is once you get through that first stage of creating them, they really start to take a life of their own. To the point where you're like, "Okay, a character I made, do this" and they're like "No. I would never do that. you don't know me." I love that when they take on a life of their own.

JBC: Do you mind sharing if you have a particular character you consider your favorite?

NH: I think I have a few favorite characters to be quite honest. I absolutely LOVE “Cherub Vice” Seokjin. I would love to hang out with him, I hate clubs but I would gladly go to disco night with him. He's very himself and he's very… almost confrontational and brutally honest but he's never catty about it. He's so comfortable in his own skin like he could wear a cocktail dress to a baseball game and not feel out of place at all. I LOVE that.

For something like “Mudlands and Yellow Acacia,” I'm really fond of Jimin. I know it seems like I should be most fond of Taehyung but Jimin makes a tough decision in that story when he leaves for college. He's young, he's in love and he doesn't want to part from his first love of course, and Taehyung tells him that he'll follow him to college if he wants. It's a very teary scene, and Jimin goes, "I can't ask you to do that." which is very responsible for an eighteen-year-old. Maybe too responsible. Anyway, I love him. And, of course, glitter villains (Honeycomb Tongues) Jinmin. Bloodthirsty and soooooo endearing.

JBC: If you could continue (sequel/prequel) of any story, from whose POV would you write it and why?

NH: “Cherub Vice” from Seokjin's perspective. “Finger Cuffs” from Jimin's perspective (because I imagine that would be… really hilarious) and Taaffeite Moths from Taehyung's perspective would be very dark but interesting.

JBC: Whose character in what story do you think has the most redemptive story arc / the one character that has the most development? Do you ever get attached to your stories/ characters that you feel really sad when it ends?

NH: Ok, I'm going to answer the second question first because as soon as I read it, I had an answer. It's been four years, I think, since "To the Night, Will You Follow Me?" and it's not a super well-written fic by any means but… oh my goodness, I miss the kids! That story has kid Jimin and Taehyung and they're sooo sweet and I do miss them. I get very emotional when I finish a story. I think I teared up when I posted the last chapter of “Cherub Vice.” Especially with long fits, I get super… I don't know. It takes six or so months to write a lengthy chaptered fic and in that timespan, those characters take time out of my day. They take up my life. They become part of my life and it's weird to say goodbye to them. It breaks my heart every time but in a good way. I'm happy to see their story has been told but I'll miss them always.

As for redemption arcs, I'm fond of Yoongi's in "To the Night, Will You Follow Me?" I think I sometimes forget it's technically a redemption arc because when he first found out about Taehyung, he wanted nothing to do with him. But he ends up being a fantastic dad. “Cherub Vice” JK comes to mind too. I don't think he had an awful lot to redeem himself for, I don't think he's a bad person. But he did make a mistake with Taehyung and he does a good job of rectifying it.

JBC: Could you explain the meaning of the titles of your works?

NH: Blue Flame Special" is a joke. It's actually because of that movie Point Break. in that movie, a character says: "You're a regular blue flame special, aren't you? Young, dumb and full of c*m" and when I was writing the first chapter, all I could think was, "Wow, these people are going to do some stupid things and relationships they're not even sure about," and so I went with "Blue Flame Special," kind of being tongue in cheek. "Cherub Vice" is simply in relation to the religious themes and to the very vices we, as human beings, tend to have. I think for that one in particular, the main meaning can be that JK’s cherubic (religious-like) life has become a vice (something he depends on even though he knows he might be happier without it).

And “Taaffeite Moths” was just… I think moths are cool. They're really good at disguising themselves. Taaffeite is a super rare (super beautiful gem). I don't think the two things go together exclusively but I think plenty of meanings can be interpreted from the title. Both main characters though, in any interpretation, are both the taaffeite (the rarity) and the moth (the disguised or hidden).

JBC: Also, when you write the stories, do you already have a particular pairing (main and side) in mind? Specifically with the JinKook fics. Do you consider the pairing first or the plot/story? What do you like about the pairing/dynamic? Did their dynamic impact the plot of the story?

(Nini insight's on nonheather's works being relatable without romanticizing/sugarcoating anything.)

NH: That means so much! I try to make sure the feelings I have for the setting and the characters and the story can be felt by anyone who reads it.

JBC: Who was the girl in “Cherub Vice” Vmin's picture? Was it supposed to be Natalie?

NH: Ooh, I want to answer this but it’s going to come up in the thread and I kinda want it to be a surprise for you.

JBC: What was your inspiration for writing “Blue Flame?”

NH: Well "Blue Flame Special" was around 2017, I think and I would have been 20 years old at the time? There were just a lot of messy things going on in my life as far as relationships and finances and not knowing what to do with my place in the world and I think it was just a cluster fuck of confusion. So I used that confusion and mess and made it about people around my age who’s love lives were screwy, who didn’t know what to do about anything. That was it, I think.

JBC: The next question concerns the parents of “Cherub Vice” Taehyung and Jungkook, how does their life fare after the story ended where it is now?

NH: I like to think that later on Mrs. Kim grows to be more comfortable and more accepting and more loving of who her son is and I think for her it will happen sooner than it would with the Jeons because she’s known who her son has been in love with and who she’s tried to keep him from since he was sixteen. So she’s had years to realize that “You know what? I want him in my life and I want him to be happy.”

I see her visiting Casi Cielo and getting to know Jimin properly.

But for JK’s parents, I don’t see that just yet. I think the closest they get is calling now and then.

JBC: How do you think CV Jin and Jungkook are going now? There was also a mention of them adopting a little girl?

NH: I think they’re doing super well. Technically, I suppose where we are right now in the real world (time-wise) would mean that it’s almost been a full year since the day they first met. They’ve likely already said “I love you,” Taehyung and JK are good friends (actual friends) and JK had definitely already gotten his first tattoo. Probably working on his third.

And yes, they’d be such loving parents. I know the lack of support they’ve had from their own parents guarantees that they will do all they can to make sure their daughter feels safe and loved.

JBC: You are known for your storyline, so are there scenes or characters that you find/ have found difficult to write or express them as you want them to be?

NH: It’s complicated with religion and how parents respond to it. It’s hard to imagine sometimes their acceptance of you as you are but sometimes they surprise us.

As for scenes that I found difficult, omg. I remember when writing Finger Cuffs, I was so nervous about writing the sex scene. It filled me with dread to write. Because, first of all, I’m kind of very gay, and I’m a cis woman and I’ve had very little experiences with… I hope I don’t crass but penises. And I was freaking out like “How do I even write this, I’m going to sound stupid, I don’t want it to gross and fetishizing omg” and I was panicking. I ended up writing it by just focusing mainly on how the people engaged in the sex were responding to it because, I realized, sex is the same for everyone when it’s good. It’s sensual and loving and intense and emotional. I just had to keep that in mind. I wish I wrote all of “Finger Cuffs” better. 

Also “Mudlands & Yellow Acacia,” I love that story but since it was originally on Twitter, I had to abridge a lot and it’s very surface level. For that entire story, I wish I could’ve gone into more detail. If I had known people were going to like it so much that they asked me to put it on ao3, I would have written (it in) more detail. I would have paced it better.

And for the characters I wish I'd written better. That's an easy answer. “Blue Flame Special” Hoseok. I feel I really did a disservice to him and it still makes me feel guilty. He deserved a better story and a better arc.

JBC: Have you ever had a story idea pop up but just felt you wouldn't be able to do it justice?

NH: Many times! I’ve had sooo many ideas that I just trashed because I knew I couldn’t tell it well or I couldn't tell it the way it should be told. I’ve gotten rid of a lot of stories like that. There was a 2seok one based on an episode of Black Mirror (I still remember it was called “blood-like lemonade”) but I got a quarter of the way into writing it and said, “Nah.”

JBC: Have you ever regretted not writing the story because you couldn't do it justice?

NH: I have so many story regrets! I regret not writing Jinkook snowboarding competitors (I did a little snippet of that when I was still active on Twitter, most of those stories I did snippets of were things I wanted to write but never did). I wish I got to write the Taejinkook model vampire hunter au but that… was kind of a mess before I could start. I’m not sure that one actually counts because I knew I could write, I was just afraid to after the backlash and it’s not that backlash scares me. I just don’t like drama so I axed it. But I miss it.

Oh my goodness, dude, writers are the most sensitive people ever. We whine about everything, even things WE did in OUR stories. We whine when people don’t read our stories, we whine when people read our stories and we think it’s not good enough. We whine when we’re writing. If you ever read a work and think “man, this is great,” just know that the writer is probs kicking themselves over the tiniest detail and whining about it lol.

JBC: Your fics are so striking to us because of how cinematic they feel. Is this a conscious decision on your part or do you come up with a plot and then decide how best to play it through?

NH: It’s usually just... I think it goes back to simply loving movies. I love books too but I love how movies make me feel like I’m living in them. I love how the cinematography puts me somewhere specific. I love how music makes me feel something that the movie is feeling. I love everything about it. And when I come up with stories, I have to feel everything first which is why I make my playlists. The playlists are partly for me to be as over the top as possible (Pisces shit 😘) but mostly so I can close my eyes, listen to the music, and FEEL the story play out. Everything I write is about the feel of it. If I don’t feel anything, I don’t want to write and if I feel everything, I must.

JBC: We notice you incorporate astrology in your fics, how do you decide on how it impacts the plot? 

NH: I know astrology annoys some people (irrationally, if you ask me. just let people have fun) but I get a kick out of it. I didn’t really go deep into astrology until I was writing “Cherub Vice” because I thought, “oh wouldn’t it be funny if Seokjin says ‘you know how some people are super into astrology?’” and then spends the rest of the fic being super into astrology. I don’t know. It's a small thing that made me laugh. so, I started looking into astrology a lot more just for that character but I ended up having a lot of fun. And for “Cherub Vice,” it was perfect because it plays into people having different beliefs and sort of hinting that yeah, it’s okay for us to have different beliefs which I think is something JK’s character needed to learn.

JBC: How do you discover such a diverse array of music to use for the ost playlists you make?

NH: I’d say my music taste is just generally very diverse. Thankfully I grew up in a house full of people who had varying tastes in music. Classical, Jazz, Hip Hop, Shoegaze. So growing up, the diversity in genre was always around me. and the older I got I just continued to pursue music I hadn’t heard before. the world is too big and life is too short to stick to the same three genres. I’ll gladly take some Britney Spears, some Rico Nasty, and a little Arca to keep it fresh.

JBC: What was the reason behind you using 'nonheather' as a name for your account? Is there a story behind it?

NH: So nonheather is my second ao3 account. It’s funny, it’s so hard for me to part with writing fics because it’s been comforting for so long. Case in point: I deleted my first ao3 account at the end of 2015 in late December. By early January, I had a new account and a new fic because writing fics have just been that… cathartic for me. Anyway, at the time, I was watching one of my all-time favorite movies (heathers) and I’d just gotten to the part where JD asks “Are you a Heather?” and Veronica says “No, I’m a Veronica.” and I was making a new account and typed in nonheather or “non-heather”.

JBC: And when did you start realizing that your stories have an impact on the lives of your readers?

NH: I realized I had an impact with the stories (and therefore a duty to be responsible with them) when I wrote “Finger Cuffs” and got comments thanking me for the expression of sexual freedom. And I remembered then that stories have a lot of power and my stories have a lot of power. If I can say something with some of my stories then that’s important.

JBC: In which character do you see yourself the most and why? 

NH: The characters I see most of myself in are sort of split 50/50. I wrote a story called "Counselor" years ago and Yoongi in that story is A LOT like me. Keeping to himself mostly, wanting to be more open but not quite knowing how. Then the other 50 is CV Seokjin who, to be frank, some of the things he says are things I say. I think you can find in replies I’ve left to stories that I often call people "love" or "my love" or "honey." That's me, but only that bit. CV Seokjin is a lot more confident than I am.

JBC: The next question is - How have you been keeping busy during this quarantine caused by the pandemic? What do your days look like now that you’ve taken a break from the writing scene?

NH: I’m staying busy by creating. I still write, just not fics. I’ve been drawing a lot more and doing puzzles. I find that as long as I stay creative, I’m happy. When I lack inspiration that’s usually when I get frustrated or antsy. But I’ve been making music, painting, just trying to express myself, and stay positive.

JBC: Was your favorite moment in Taaffeite Moths when Jungkook says “babe” cause it’s one of my top three dialogues in that fic? 

NH: My favorite moment in Taaffeite Moths is probably when Seokjin comes over and Jeongguk reaches his hand out in Seokjin's direction and Seokjin gives him his hand. Jeongguk holds his hand but also clarifies that he was reaching for the coat. But when Seokjin tries to pull his hand back, embarrassed, Jeongguk holds onto him. I like that because I think Moths JK is good at a lot of things but what I like in particular is how he's always careful not to make Seokjin feel dumb. I just wish more people were considerate like that.

JBC: Was Chansung always a good guy to Seokjin in Taaffeite Moths? Like did he really not have any other intentions (like date him)?

NH: Chansung was genuinely a good guy. I have a fun time watching discourse unfold and I love seeing everyone's interpretations so it doesn't bother me but yeah he was fine, I wasn't trying to set up anything. I think I was trying to express that he loved Seokjin genuinely and platonically, to show that he loved him and was supportive in a way that Siyang was so clearly not. But I think it came off weird.

JBC: How are “Navel-gaze With Some Shoegaze” Jinkook? 

NH: Oh and omg “Navel-gaze With Some Shoegaze” lol. I hope they're still going strong and are like award-winning film editors by now. I really hope they're still together omg

JBC: And lastly, What advice would give to someone who wants to write but is insecure about their writing and anxious about making it public?

NH: Advice: You just gotta rip the bandaid off. People are going to be callous and they're going to be cruel but if you listened to every person who said you shouldn't do something, you'd never do anything and that's no life to live. You just have to dive in and trust your craft. More importantly, tell the story YOU want to tell, not the one others want of you. And as long as you're writing for you, you'll tell stories you can feel proud of.

JBC_Suni: This is probably one of the best days of my life thank you so much. I hope you have a great life and career, and one day we will watch/read your future projects! Wishing you a great life ahead sweetie.

JBC_Judy: Your work is amazing, and I hope you leave on a high note :( and hope you have an amazing summer and year and life and I hope you have many happy days.

NH: Oh my goodness, thank you. I feel like I’m miles behind everyone else my age (like it took me forever to get my own place) but I have to remind myself that everyone's life is different. Anyway, thank you for calling me wise. I’m gonna tell my mom lol.

Thank you so much for taking the time to do this, I'm glad I got a chance to talk to you all.

Please continue to take care of yourselves and treat yourself kindly and with the same love you extend to others, okay?

I’ll miss you all omg don't make me cry. let's not say goodbye, I don't want that. See you later, okay?

(Nonheather sends a song of gratitude: Sparring Partner by Paolo Conte)

"A song for my gratitude. Okay, this is the last message, I'm sorry I keep sending more. I love this song and I hope you can find something to love in it too. Thank you for your time."

++ BONUS: HIGHLIGHT REEL 

Moments from the interview we would like to keep and share.

1. A cute moment during the beginning of the interview:

● [Nini] Xo, you are literally below my age but you've already published a book, that's amazing… what if I have kids named them "Xiomara"?? I'm kidding, I'm sorry...unless??

• Please name your kid after me, I'd love it. 

2. Nonheather on the iconic original motion picture soundtracks she includes for her stories:

● [Nini] I think it's very sacred to like linking a song to it's stories, it's like you're frying a bowl of fries with a special recipe.

• If I didn't write or direct I'd curate playlists for a living. Lol.

• Yes! and it’ll always have a specific mood. I do this all the time to myself completely by accident. I’ll put a song I already know on a playlist for a fic and I listen to the playlist thinking that fic...and now I relate the song — the song I ALREADY knew — to the fic. It’s cool but kind of annoying because it just makes me miss my stories more.

● [Judy in relation to Nonheather's answer] It's like connecting your ex to that one song, so whenever you play the song, it just reminds you of the ex, and now you feel 20x sadder.

3. Suni and Nonheather about the untold hardships in life, in relation to answering what inspired "Blue Flame Special":

● [Suni] I can relate quite well to that, we are never made aware of the type of anguish the early stages of adulthood can bring to us.

• Omg, never. No one warns you.